21 Days to Form a Habit? Nah… Not Really

We think habit formation is about discipline and schedules — but it’s actually about attitude.
Why do some people stick to habits for decades and others collapse at the first drizzle?

It always begins with good intentions. 

I decide I’ll get fit — trim that little belly, feel fresh, and have a spring in my step. The first few mornings are heroic. I drag myself out of bed, tie my shoes, and head out to jog. But truth be told, every morning feels like a battle. The very first thought that hits me when I open my eyes is — “Let’s finish this run quickly and get back to bed.” 

Then come the rains. 

The sky turns grey, the air smells of wet earth, and suddenly, sleeping in feels so… right. I tell myself I can’t go jogging in the rain. And just like that, my new fitness habit collapses like a soggy umbrella. 

Somewhere in the past, there’s my mother — as a little girl. 

Her parents believed that sleeping late was nothing short of a crime. Waking up early meant discipline, virtue, and godliness — the holy trinity of a “good life.” Those values became part of her wiring. Now, decades later, she’s in her seventies. She has no office to go to, no rush, no urgent chores. She doesn’t even feel like waking up early anymore. But her mind won’t let her sleep. If, by chance, she gets up at six, she feels guilty for “wasting the day.” 

I often wonder — what’s the difference between her and me? Why can she wake up early day after day, while I give up at the first drizzle? 

The internet is full of motivational posters saying “Do something for 21 days and it becomes a habit.” But here’s the glitch — if you do something kicking and screaming, treating it like punishment, it’ll never become a habit even after a thousand days. 

I can plan, time-track, and set goals all I want. But as long as I secretly resent getting up early, I’ll break the cycle at the first convenient excuse — rain, cold, office, vacation… reasons are plenty. 

What’s needed is not a schedule, but an attitude makeover. My mother’s drive comes from a deep-seated belief that sleeping late equals laziness. For her, discipline isn’t an act — it’s identity. 

Different people find different triggers — fear of losing out, the joy of doing something well, or the thrill of accomplishment. Whatever it is, that emotional connection is the key. Because only when we associate a habit with the right feeling — not resentment, but something meaningful — does it actually stick. 

And until then, the rain will always win. 

The parenting Version of the same Struggle 

Lately, I see the same battle play out in my daughter. I want her to develop an attitude of working hard to persevere for what she wants. 

She loves to draw, to paint. She’s been going to art classes for three years now. But the moment she’s outside that classroom, the brushes go missing. If I ask her to practice, she shrugs. If I insist harder, it starts sounding like homework — and the more I push, the more she retreats. She dreams of participating in art contests, or filling the house with her paintings, but doesn’t want to put in the effort to get there. 

When I finally nudge her hard enough, she paints — but resentfully, as though I’ve asked her to clean the bathroom (which she likes to do, ironically!). And at the first instance of distraction — the doorbell, a phone call, nature’s call — she vanishes like a magician’s assistant. I guess the cycle continues. 

Maybe every generation finds its own version of “the rain.” 

Maybe my mother would call me lazy. 

Maybe my daughter would call me pushy. 

And maybe, one rainy morning years from now, my daughter will wake up early — to paint — and wonder why her child doesn’t feel like it. 

The circle of life… and excuses.